Troubled teen when i was high school student

I remember way back 1995 i was really troubled for my classmates dont like me much even i dont do anything. I was just silent there , i received 7 candles from my classmates as a reminder that they hope they will someday like me. I was really sad about it. There was two of us , she received 9 candles more than what i got, she really cried. I guess being silent at class room makes them think i am a strict person.

So what i did is that i try to change my attitude a little , i let them joked at me which never happened when i was first year student. Allowing them to bully and laugh at me makes me feel great but i gain no more respect. I then start to lose focus on class discussions and that was the year my grades started to fall down. I used to have 80 to 95% scores in examination until they give me 7 candles it changed my entire course.

7 candles changed the way i talk to people, i start giving punch lines, insert nonsense jokes or even pretend i dont get what they mean just to make it funny. It was a painful process to leave ones self for the sake of being accepted. Three months later my friends likes me a lot and feel comfortable giving jokes at me or even insulting me in front of many people, its like we really enjoy throwing painful jokes towards each other. Then i finally lost myself to a new nonsense-low-grade student, i dont care if i dont study, i find no more direction.

I find it hard to go back to my real attitude cause a lot of people already know me as a joker , nonsense person. How sad teen pressure caused me to push myself away from me. Now that i am older i was able to take it back but when my high school friends are with me they still think i like what they are doing and that i was really like what they think. Without that 7 candles i would have been the same person as i used to be way back from 1994 and down.